An Unloved Woman Page 5

  The concept of human rights has infused most western countries today. Like leaves in a teabag, it has gradually seeped into and coloured the surrounding water. Life has a different flavour. We add milk or lemon or sugar, depending upon personal tastes. Thus, whilst each scenario is completely original, how it unfolds reflects the general principle.

  To have those rights come to fruition requires that they be delineated and defended in law and public policy. We are then afforded the capacity to defend them and ensure their continuance. These rights entail the prohibition of certain behaviours.

  In this era, we find ourselves governed not only by prohibitions, but also by requirements. A weakness can be found in this approach. This weakness is that human rights by their very nature can only be attained through external pressure on the individual. The external pressure of the application of human rights on one sector of the community by the other is divisive. This is the basic outcome of the revolution: to dis-empower men and empower women.

  Men have responded in differing ways to the change in the status quo. Some are resentful and withhold in their giving. Others are unsure how to give. Still others don’t know what to give. Women don’t seem to need anything. They still expect to receive, but the status quo is so unravelled that they don’t know exactly what they want. Women live with an underlying dissatisfaction, which they attempt to stave off with online shopping, lunches with friends and holidays. Men’s behaviour reflects a sense of purposelessness, so they continue to hurl themselves deeper into their career, sex and hobbies. All this activity fails to fulfil because the reason for all this activity, that is, the protection of women and children has been nullified. The drives are still present but there is no one for a man to expend himself on.

  It seems to me that there is a solution to this crisis. And, I do believe that it is a crisis. Rather than the external pressure of the application of human rights, an alternative is available. It will require a dramatic change in how we view ourselves.

  Women were exposed to ‘consciousness raising’ in the ‘60s, and ’70s. This process was a kind of cultural re-education. This has contributed to making the revolution appear to offer redress to women who have been oppressed. If we are to address the current crisis, an alternative consciousness raising is necessary. We need a new consciousness. Rather than ’assertiveness training’ and learning ‘how to get what we want’, we need to change our perspective.

  Over and over, we are saturated with the message that we have a right to have our desires fulfilled. We deserve a break; we deserve a pampering at the local spa. We deserve to be romanced.

  We deserve that new car or fishing line. This sense of entitlement will eventually ruin us. We desperately need an alternative.

  It is time to take a good look at this new folklore. Does what it offers us satisfy this deep ache within us? Has the pendulum swung so far that there is no hope of recovery? My answer is to offer some hope to my readers. It’s time for a new revolution. It’s time to resurrect the Perfect Hero.

  Chapter 10

  The Perfect Hero

  Batter my heart, three-person’d God, for you,

  As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;

  That I may rise and stand, o’erthrow me, and bend

  Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

  I, like an usurp’d town to another due,

  Labour to admit you, but oh, to no end;

  Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,

  But is captiv’d, and proves weak or untrue.

  Yet dearly I love you, and would be lov’d fain,

  But am betroth’d unto your enemy;

  Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,

  Take me to you; imprison me, for me,

  Except you enthral me, never shall be free,

  Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

  Holy Sonnet by John Donne

  There is an alternative to this sense of entitlement, this demand for human rights and the resultant dissatisfaction and purposelessness. Before we consider this alternative, it is necessary to re-examine our history to discover the source of our present dilemma.

  In Chapter 5, we analysed the story of the destruction of that idyllic land, Camelot. We concluded that the genesis of its destruction was ‘the enemy within’. Likewise, the lives of Adam and Eve and their descendants was a struggle between their desire to obey God and other self-serving activities.

  There is a universal recognition that there is such an enemy. This enemy according to feminists dwells in the hearts of abusive men. If they cannot be tamed, they must be dis-empowered. As previously mentioned, one apparently successful strategy at the feminists disposal was the inclusion of equal rights for women in a more generalised push for human rights.

  External pressure on men in the form of human rights legislation, re-education, social pressure or prison will not change their basic nature; their hearts will not be softened. They resist relinquishing the power they feel is rightfully theirs. This is because the enemy is within. What is within poisons all of a man’s thoughts words and deeds. Abusive behaviour will not disappear; it will merely go underground. These men may not actually abuse children directly, but have masses of child pornography; they may not actually rape a woman, but enjoy watching women sexually tortured online. They subtly slander and objectify female colleagues along with other previously identified males who share their misogyny. The goal of this behaviour is to regain a sense of purpose through the exercise of power and control. The desire for purpose and control is a good one, but not when hardness of heart distorts his interactions with his environment and threatens to destroy the community.

  The alternative would surely be a change of heart. Is such a change really possible, or am I offering a fanciful and ill-conceived fairy story? Can a man who abuses is wife be so transformed that the abuse never happens again? Can a paedophile resist his urges? My answer is ‘yes’.

  What we need is a hero. The perfect hero.

  The perfect hero does not need to have the imposition of human rights to bring about a change of heart. This is because there is no enemy within. He has a tender heart. His behaviour, rather than being governed by the external imposition of human rights, expresses a sense of responsibility. If men returned to their original role of being responsible for peace and security, tempering their approach with a sense of trust, there would be no need for human rights.

  At its core, responsibility expresses a heart-felt commitment. This sort of commitment is made possible by love. A man who loves his family will tirelessly work for their best interests. They may resist his leadership at times and challenge his decisions. Yet, his commitment will not falter because the love he has for them is unconditional. It is not about trading favours, it is give, give and give some more.

  Trust is essential to this formula. The man who does not trust fervently, attempts to control every aspect of his life. Existence is filled with stress and anxiety. Relationships are unnecessarily tested.

  In what should a man trust? A reckoning may be undertaken. How successfully have I responded to past challenges? Am I up to this new challenge? Is my wife going to support this new venture? Can I trust her?

  It will be a challenge for some of my readers when I say that trust is only possible after power is relinquished. The drive for the acquisition of power is the time-honoured way that humanity has sought to gain the security necessary to protect women and children. It is so entrenched in our view of reality that to resist would be easier than to stop breathing. The alternative that I offer may be viewed as counter cultural and may appear to be doomed to fail before even being floated.

  In the past, people have sought help from various gods and goddesses in the hope that crops would flourish and famine be averted. That they will have a victory over an invader. That the one they love will love in return. They seek the intervention of a higher power to achieve what they want. There is an acknowledged sense of powerlessness in the
se peoples’ approach to life, so they strive for security by attempting to persuade these deities to look favourably upon them and their cause.

  The case in the west differs dramatically. We are now living in an era where these deities have been discredited. The real source for help in meeting life’s challenges is within ourselves. The atheist looks to his own resources, the New Ager looks to the deity within and the Buddhist meditates and pretends that things are not really happening.

  How does the perfect hero respond to life’s challenges? He relinquishes his belief in himself. He rejects the notion that, within himself is the capacity to meet all that life has to throw at him. Instead, he looks to Jesus Christ to meet his needs to fortify him in the face of whatever obstacle presents itself. He recognises that he is powerless. Trust is placed in the infallible wisdom and power of God; the one who is committed to him and his family’s best interests.

  Why would a man behave in such a seemingly reckless way? It flies in the face of all conventional wisdom! These are the actions of a man of faith. Faith in the original perfect hero. Jesus of Nazareth, God in human flesh, who was born, lived, died and was resurrected that those who entrust themselves to him will live a new life. A life abounding in sacrificial love.

  Chapter 11

  Aspirations

  New Year’s resolutions. I no longer make them because I doubt I’ll ever keep them. If I could find something worth struggling for, perhaps, I would have a change of heart. Maybe writing is my personal struggle. Trying to make a difference to people’s lives, as I wrestle with each word, sentence and paragraph.

  There are some among us who dream fantastic dreams and work tirelessly to achieve a glorious outcome; walking on the Moon, climbing Mount Everest, competing in a triathlon or joining Greenpeace to save the whales from slaughter and extinction. Some of these aspirations inevitably test one’s resilience and stamina. Others change the world in some way. Many are worthy causes.

  We sit in our lounge chairs and cheer on as we view these achievements on our TV screens, read magazines, newspapers and online news feeds. Our attention is drawn to our preferred cause to discover the most recent instalment and its success or failure.

  If we are not mere spectators we can participate in this sense of aspiration by updating our wardrobe, going on a diet or travelling.

  Does aspiration hold a universal appeal? In the West, we have the luxury of choice. This is largely due to the fact that most of us have an income which will allow for such activity. Even if our means are limited, a plan to manoeuvre ourselves into a more favourable position will provide possibilities.

  What about those living in third world countries? I think that, even in this situation, people have goals which are achievable. It may be to learn how to read, save up for a bicycle or prepare for a wedding. Expectations are confined to what is realistic. That which is valued in whatever community the individual inhabits.

  What does God make of all this? Billions of us. All deeply absorbed in the activities which constitute our own individual twenty-four hour day. The variety of interactions that each one of us has is mind boggling, yet God, being of infinite capacity, looks upon each of us with intimate intensity.

  God reveals himself to us in a variety of ways. When we read Scripture, we become aware of themes which are presented and expanded upon. They lead us to come to understand essential truths about God’s nature. We discover a creator who has definite plans for his creation and expectations as to how we are to respond to him in return.

  One of these themes is marriage. In fact I would hazard to say that the whole Bible is about marriage. From start to finish, it is all marriage. Do you, the reader, find this bizarre?

  Marriage, in the traditional biblical sense, has recently fallen on hard times. Many no longer marry but prefer to live in informal relationships. Having a child out of wedlock is no longer considered shameful. Divorce and remarriage are on the rise.

  Yes, things have definitely changed. In less than sixty years, western attitudes towards marriage have been transformed. What do we do now when we read Scripture? Many have committed themselves to a revisionist stance. They view references to marriage to be a reflection of the cultural practices of those, who peopled the Middle East, more than two millennia ago. They are, therefore, consigned to history, of interest to academics, confined to a sort of sociological museum piece.

  My basic understanding of marriage is non-revisionist. I actually believe that marriage, as presented in Scripture, is immutable. I am convinced that God has not changed his mind. What he revealed to us about marriage, what he willed from before creation, is what he demands from us, now and into eternity.

  I take this view because I have come to understand how to interpret Scripture. This method takes each passage and interprets it in light of context. It is then placed, like the piece of a jigsaw puzzle, to draw our intellectual eye to the larger framework of God’s message. There must be a sort of continuity. By leaving certain pieces out, the message becomes fragmented and compromised. If we were to misinterpret the Scriptures’ message on marriage, we would be in danger of unravelling other passages as well.

  ***

  As I wrote before, the Bible seems to be all about marriage. In Genesis 1, we read of the first marriage. That of Adam and Eve. Their marriage appears at the end of the creative process. We read of God, acting decisively, bringing about the universe as we know it. Only on the sixth day, as a sort of crowning glory, does he create Adam. As if that were not enough of an achievement, he then creates Eve. The pinnacle of his works are to join these two individuals so they are one flesh. Sex comes into the picture.

  After the marriage, God directs them to have ‘dominion’ over creation. Dominion involves stewardship. Making sure that there is enough food. Hygienic storage of food. Preparation of food. Fashioning tools, erecting living quarters and so on. This is how they are to spend their time. Marriage first, then work. Work is what Adam and Eve did to maintain their relationship. It is a means to an end.

  Millennia pass by. Lots of fascinating things happen as we read through the Scriptures. There are prophets, kings, battles, idols, mountains. Then we come to the last book. Revelation. We read something quite curious. There is a wedding announcement.

  "Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory,

  for the marriage of the Lamb has come,

  and his Bride has made herself ready;

  it was granted her to clothe herself

  with fine linen, bright and pure."

  Revelation 19:7&8

  Following this declaration, there is a portrayal of the end of the world and especially of Satan. Judgement follows. A new creation is established. Then the Bride appears, stunning in her beauty. Yet, there is something noteworthy to be said about this bride. She appears to have emerged from a period of crisis. Her husband, God prepares to comfort her;

  “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore.”

  Revelation 21:4

  These quotations, taken from Genesis and Revelation, raise many questions. The most obvious one being “Why?”. Why does Scripture use the institution of marriage to convey essential truth? What does God want us to learn and how should it affect our lives?

  I will attempt to answer these questions in a later chapter. For now, I want to return to the theme of ‘Aspirations’.

  Scripture has a way of revealing God’s wishes and reflecting them back to those who read them. As God looks down upon us, he sees us and our strivings. The new car, mature age education, applying for a bank loan to start a business. Is he interested? Yes and no. There are not many specific activities that he appears to be interested in. Most of what is written relates to wisdom, prudence and good stewardship. What he does seem to be concerned with is with human relationships. In a word: marriage.

  From Genesis 1 we are notified that our principle concern should be marriage. Because most peo
ple have experience of some sort, with the opposite sex, we may find this to be a rather dull prospect. Surely there is no comparison between, discovering a new continent or tightrope walking twelve stories high and marriage. Isn’t marriage what you do when nothing else is happening?

  This is not the case. My argument is that marriage can be life’s greatest challenge or its most agonising defeat. It will make you or break you. An aspiration that surpasses all others. If this is so, there follows the opportunity to take a fresh look at our marriages. Inevitably, this will result in a new appreciation for how well we live our lives, and serve our God.

  Chapter 12

  Contrasts

  The previous chapter presented my view that marriage is the highest of all aspirations. All activity, other than this, is designed to enable marriage to continue. The three biblical quotes, drawn from Genesis and Revelation, open our minds to God’s intentions for men and women and how they must relate to each other.

  These biblical references seem far removed from the lives we now pursue. As a result, we may be tempted to cast them aside. We may treat them as interesting, but irrelevant. To circumvent this possibility, I will build on my argument. I will use Scripture to provide contrasts which will set off and highlight certain truths.

  If we survey history from a Scriptural perspective, we will notice that in the beginning all was good. Eden provided everything that Adam and Eve required for a life of peace and prosperity. They had access to the Tree of Life. There was no death or suffering. They even had ready access to God.

  In Revelation 21 we find that God’s people, here described as the Bride, are once more in an Eden like situation. They have access to God and life eternal. At the end of time, a new era is ushered in. This also is good. We may venture to state that, it is perfect.

  The beginning and the end of Scripture form bookends. To set them apart, I will have them painted white. Glorious white, almost impossible to take in, like looking at the sun. In between these two mountaintop human events we have history. This is where we now find ourselves. And it is anything but glorious.